i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she looked like the before picture.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
