I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
