It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
