I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
