I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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