P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize