Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
