FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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