I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
