He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MIDGETS
????
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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