i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
