Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
did i just pee glitter
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize