he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I touched a dick in church today
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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