i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
