i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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