i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
