It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
