Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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