I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
