Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize