I can't watch pbs sober anymore
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
