I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
