My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
