Where is the hickey?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
