Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
