Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
