The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
