just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
