Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize