just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
