So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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