dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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