i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
look no pants
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You don't make any sense
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