yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
