he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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