I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I could fuck to npr.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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