i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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