There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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