I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
