the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
