It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize