ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
