This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
