well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
