Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
