Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
