you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
