Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
