Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
