dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
