it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im part way to drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
