dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
