Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
