I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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