May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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