We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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