remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize