i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
