She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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