it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
