There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
