If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
