ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
