Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
