I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
