He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
