i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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