Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
