I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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