K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
